The Best Scuba Diving Jokes and Puns

Last Updated: February 21, 2023

Scuba divers, and their snorkeling companions, are well known for their inspired, dry (pun intended) and often cheeky sense of humor. And with the ocean as a source of inspiration, you don’t have to look too far to find many hilarious scuba diving jokes and puns.

There are one-liners, puns, longform jokes, jokes about sharks, and even snorkel-themed jokes.

In this post, you’ll see the world’s best scuba diving jokes, organized in easy-to-find sections. If you’re looking for the perfect scuba-themed joke, you’re bound to find it here!

Scuba Diving Humor – Top Jokes

It doesn’t matter whether you want a joke to tickle your funny bone, or something to make your diving friends laugh, you’ll find what you need in one or more of the categories below:

Scuba Jokes & One Liners

What’s it like being married to a scuba diver?

You want to marry them when they’re down there but you don’t want to live with them up there on land.

Where do scuba divers go to relax after work?

Dive bars.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.

Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk.

Why do scuba divers keep getting air bubbles in their beer?

They can’t hold their lager!

Why are scuba enthusiasts so fond of chocolate?

Because they’re Godivas.

Did you hear about the anti-masker who died?

He went scuba diving.

Did you realize that Boyles law is actually an acronym?

Breath Or Your Lungs Explode Stupid!

Why don’t skeletons tech dive?

They don’t have the guts!

What type of decompression sickness do wealthy SCUBA divers get?

Mercedes Bends.

What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A nervous wreck.

Why don’t scuba divers eat bananas?

They can come out the other end too fast!

What do you call that warm spot in your wetsuit?

A Urinecline.

How do you know if someone’s a scuba instructor?

Don’t worry, they’ll TELL you.

How deep can scuba divers go before they hit the water?

Only 16 inches (40cm)!

How do divers communicate?

They use speech bubbles.

What is black and yellow, has two fins, and smells like fresh fish?

The best-darned swimmer in town: an octopus.

How do get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles.

What did the sea say to the sand?

Nothing, it just waved!

What type of plant are you likely to see when exiting a shore dive on a rough day?

Face plant.

What do you call a restaurant at the bottom of the sea?

A Scuba Diner.

Why do mermaids wear Sea Shells?

B Shells are too small!

What is a diver’s pet peeve?

The bends. It really makes his blood boil.

What’s the difference between an astronaut and a deep sea diver?

The pressure.

Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?

Because all his grades are below C-level.

What do you call 11 divers and a net?

A soccer team.

What happened to the divers journal?

It got waterlogged.

Which dog knows how to swim underwater?

Scuba-doo.

What did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw.

Who is the most famous underwater detective?

Jacques Clouseau.

What do you call a scuba diver on a skateboard?

A scuba boarder.

What do you get when you combine a scuba diver with a janitor?

Jaques Coustodian!

Did you hear they crossed a snow man with a shark?

All they got was frost bite!

Recommended Read: Best Scuba Diving Quotes

When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving, he gives the water the bends.

NASA – Not Another Scuba Accident.

Today my dad died in a scuba accident. It was a very depressing situation.

Eating sushi is the fat man’s scuba diving.

I think my dive buddy wife wants a divorce. I gave the out of air signal, she handed me her snorkel.

A cross fitter, an atheist, and a scuba instructor walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Funny Scuba Names

Best Longform Diving Jokes

Two divers go spear fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. The first one says, “I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.” The other answers, “Yes, I made an ‘X’ on the side of the boat to mark the spot.” “You idiot!” cries the first, “How do you know we will get the same boat tomorrow?”

The boat dive. Three instructors and their students are onboard a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is an SSI instructor, an IAC instructor, and a PADI instructor. Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink. The SSI instructor says to her students, “Okay, we’re in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive.” The IAC instructor says to his students, “Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let’s get our compasses out and swim towards shore.” Finally, the PADI instructor puts on a big smile and says to his students, “Okay everyone, for $25 you guys can do a wreck dive!”

If Microsoft made dive gear:

• Useless tips would show up on your dive computer every time you turn it on.
• None of your new gear would be compatible with any of your old stuff.
• When you called Microsoft to schedule a dive trip, you would be left on hold for a long time, and when you finally talked to someone you would be given a lot of information on diving that was absolutely correct but completely useless.
• Every dive computer would be from Microsoft and any deaths from them would be explained as a “beta version” problems. Don’t worry, we’ll fix that in the next release.
• Every time you were really close to your destination, your boat would crash.
• Your air supply would stop and have to be restarted every couple of minutes and you would accept this as normal.

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, “How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?” The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, “You idiot, I’m drowning.”

Diving Puns

Local dive shop has been closed for a few weeks now. I’m worried they’ve gone under.

Scuba diving i a good hobby, if you want to hit rock bottom.

BMW and Mercedes used to make scuba gear, but eventually BMW was forced to shut down. People kept getting the Benz.

I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving. One day I lobster and never flounder again.

I just took my last dive as a scuba diving instructor. Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

I once went scuba diving, and had to be treated for “the bends”. It made a decompression on me.

Was out diving once when I heard this wonderful singing. Turned out it was a choral reef.

Scientists say hydrostatic pressure from scuba diving is more harmful than previously known. It just feels like something we all knew deep down.

I hate scuba diving. It was the lowest moment of my life.

I used to have a scuba diving business, but it went under.

I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor. I couldn’t handle the pressure.

Being a free diving instructor requires you to teach others how to hold their breath under water while not using scuba gear. It’s a tankless job.

Snorkel Jokes

You had me at let’s go snorkeling.

Snorkeling is always a good idea.

If I didn’t love to snorkel so much, I’d probably make fun of how funny of a word it sounds.

Eat. Sleep. Snorkel.

If Hogwarts was in the ocean, they would play squidditch!

I’m going to open up a store that only sells two bed covers and two snorkels. Just four sheets and goggles.

My local coastline has been so overfished that during 30 minutes of snorkeling I saw only a single fish. It was the sole survivor.

Have you ever stopped and realized drinking water through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling?

What scuba gear do you need to become a human battery?

A scuba mask and snorkel.

What do you call a sleeping Merkel?

A Snorkel

What do you call a Great Dane wearing a snorkel?

Scuba-Doo!

What do you call a snorkel that thinks it is a scuba suit?

Self Proclaimed Underwater Breathing Apparatus

Shark Jokes

My SCUBA instructor always stressed that you should never go diving alone. If you have equipment problems, your buddy can help you. If you run out of air, your buddy can help you. If you meet an aggressive shark, your odds are 50-50 instead of 100%.

Two sharks are dining on leftover clownfish. One shark turns to the other and asks “Does this taste funny to you?“

How to avoid shark attacks:

• Never Leave Kansas
• Roll in manure before diving. Sharks hate anything breaded.
• Always dive with a buddy. On sharks approach, point to buddy.
• Dive with a briefcase. Shark may mistake you for an attorney and leave you alone out of professional courtesy

A scuba diver is bobbing around on the surface waiting to be picked up by the support boat. The boat approaches and the diver swims towards the ladder. Suddenly, there’s a huge commotion, the diver is thrashed back and forth like a rag doll, the water looks like it’s boiling and then starts turning red as the rest of the diver group and crew on the boat watch in horror. The diver reaches the ladder and starts screaming “Help, help, get me out, a shark just bit my leg off!” One of the crew reaches down and starts pulling the diver out of the water. “Which one?” he asks. “No idea, sharks all look the same when you’re wearing a dive mask.”

Why don’t sharks eat divorcees?

Because they are bitter!

Why don’t sharks eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

Why don’t scuba divers play hide and seek with sharks?

The shark always wins!

Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy!

Why don’t sharks attack women?

Because they’re man eaters!

Final Thoughts

As you can see divers are a funny bunch and there are many jokes about scuba diving.

There is actually a lot more and I’m sure I’ve missed some good ones too. So if you know any diving jokes not on this list, let me know.

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